The Return
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"The Return"
How it stirs my imagination. For instance, in the picture, were this mother and daughter awaiting the return of husband and father from the Civil War? The engraver was known for portrait engravings of Civil War heroes and high officials, especially on The Union side of the War. I found no specific record of this particular portrait, but Perine lived from 1837 - 1885, so it's obviously of that era.
Returns change lives
We've all experienced a quest for a "return" to a place, whether physical, geographical, emotional, intellectual or spiritual, in which we felt "more ourselves" than we were feeling wherever we were on another plane of existence, but one lacking that "zone" of belonging, - truly belonging. It was for that - we were longing, . . . . as perhaps were the mother and daughter in the portrait here.
The elements of returns
For a return to occur, there must have been a beginning, a duration, and a departure from to what or where is being returned. How long that had lasted or how recently it had been departed affects the kind of return it is, of course, but all returns have those elements in their history. Whether or not the return is by choice or whether it is due to other circumstances distinguishes each return, as well.
Various returns
Actually, each morning brings a return to wakefulness, with a new day providing new opportunities and experiences. We celebrate 'The New Year' with various mindsets, including hope and anticipation, or dread and regret. We return to our lives in many ways and at many times. If we have nurtured our mindsets to expecting and building upon good things for which we've prepared, we enter each old or new threshold with high expectations and realistic hope.
Of course, there may be returns, not by choice, but as a result of consequences or our karma, for which we didn't quest and perhaps had no desire. But the circumstances 'ended us up' returning somewhere and that event itself may have opened up completely 'new' experiences for us. Sometimes those can be major turning points in our lives. How often might we have vigorously, deliberately or even casually blocked such a return, never to know what it might have brought?
My returns
As I recall my own returns and review my years of poetry written and reflecting those experiences, I find it an intriguing process. I can make the poetry connections with the theme of returns if it captures a moment in any of the historic stages which resulted in my return 'from' one state of living 'to' another at which I was to arrive. I won't explain each poem, but trust that you will sense it.
Perhaps a picture captures some non-verbal feelings best, such as the guarded, yet urgent anticipation on the faces of the mother and daughter in the picture. Yet words also capture and describe aspects of those feelings, and they may be even more multi-dimensional, and therefore may be more obscure. But if they remind you of your own experiences, or even if simply thinking about your own returns so far, this profound interspection will have been worthwhile. It will be a return to some of my own odyssey for me!
Returns take poetic form
As you've surely guessed, the main theme for this collection of my poetry is personal returnings, in a sense. May that sense hum or strum throughout.
Being
Borders fluctuate
And vanish under
Closer view.
The crystal core
Inside them
Remains intact
Throughout.
______© Nellieanna H. Hay
They say you can't go home again.
It's true.
But some times
You may try,
To let the mist disperse.
______© Nellieanna H. Hay
Perhaps the fleur-de-lis
Begins to fade
As bougainvillea beckons.
Eternity is now.
I wait not
To fit myself,
Submit myself
To Life itself
This moment.
______© Nellieanna H. Hay
How painful,
Yet pleasant
To outgrow each step
One finds to take.
Beautiful growth
Radially;
And inwardly
Grows free.
______© Nellieanna H. Hay
Please know -
If I go away to grow,
It is because
I must.
______© Nellieanna H. Hay
Labyrinth of life,
Taking turns
On straightaways,
Moving by the feel
Of what is real,
And sensing
New directions
As they come and go
Too swiftly
For analysis,
Perhaps to move
Into the light again
To know the better
Turns.
______© Nellieanna H. Hay
Clods of sod
Blood and mud,
Tear-soaked
Voyage out of time
And back again.
______© Nellieanna H. Hay
To grow
I just let go
And know
I live.
I must fall freely
In uncertainty
Without restraint
Trust the landing
To be soft
But moving
Certainty
Would bruise me,
Use me up.
______© Nellieanna H. Hay
When you get where you're going
You'll be where you started.
The journey is the thing.
Experience it fully.
It is all there.
______© Nellieanna H. Hay
Sheer experience.
I must let go
And feel
Whatever this is.
Not from yesterday;
Tomorrow is tomorrow.
Simply this, and now.
If I exist, it's here, it's now.
If I do not exist,
It's here, it's now;
It's this ~
How marvelous!
______© Nellieanna H. Hay
How tenuous is life, really. How useless to cling to things, and yet they might aid continuity, if only to remind that there are cycles, trends, efforts, failures and successes throughout human history.
Perhaps the question is: have we learned anything or are the things to which we adhere blocking our view and obscuring the clarity?
If we were to return or to move forward, to what will it be? More of the same, or better? I wonder.
Take heart, my heart ~
For you are not alone.
At last
The notes you sing
Ring answers in your key;
For home is where
The heart finds comfort.And you are home
For me.
______© Nellieanna H. Hay
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Nooo! I can't see any of the pictures - I will come back tomorrow and see if they've appeared (I think it's the broadband in our area). I wanted to get a good look at this hub in all its glory, so will save my real comment for when I can see the pictures!
Linda.
Thank you, Tammyswallow! That lovely old print actually inspired me to do the hub. I'm so pleased you enjoyed it. Thanks for being my first visitor to it!
Lady Linda - OK, dear. Sorry about that! I am not sure what is going on with the pictures. The title picture's thumbnail wasn't appearing on my profile page listing of latest hubs, then suddenly it appeaed. The video was missing and then appeared. I hope it is straightened out soon! I want you to be able to see it all! Thank you for letting me know! Hugs.
You captured the essence of our existence on earth for me, Nellieanna, with this one short line: "The journey is the thing." Too many folks mistakenly believe it is not the journey but the destination. Thank you for these beautiful, and often spiritual, lines of poetry.
i love the last poem best..
"Take heart, my heart ~
For you are not alone.
At last
The notes you sing
Ring answers in your key;
For home is where
The heart finds comfort.
And you are home
For me."
:)
Nellieanna, what a lovely hub. So gentle, so easy to relate to and so beautifully you.
This following is so perfectly in touch with something I have been writing recently, and I am constantly amazed at how your poems mirror my thoughts... But that is what good poetry is all about, isn't it?
"If I go away to grow,
It is because
I must."
Please excuse me if it looks as if I am trying to hijack your inspirational hub, but see how close these two are in thought and mind.
"But having learned his trade, he travelled from this land and sought a life for himself elsewhere. The parting of our ways distressed him as it did us, and he was only just approaching manhood; but with manhood came responsibility and he could not remain beneath the shadow of myself.
“His craft would have surpassed mine if he, like a fledgling had flown, but if he’d stayed, we knew… all three, we knew that he would not have developed as a man or as an artisan."
I loved the Buble, by the way, it really made me very emotional.
And Linda, I know you will enjoy this hub... It's pure Nellieanna, and that doesn't leave a lot of scope for getting any better, does it?!
Nellieanna,
Even if I disliked your writing (which I don't, quite the opposite), I'd still view your articles because you always decorate them in such an enchanting manner, and the deco always compliments the content.
It's a wonderful collection you've shared with us here, and this "returning" business is something I do frequently. However, the returns are brief, because I'm always in need to be surging forward to find the next adventure.
Frequently, I find those adventures right here, amongst the words of my friends, in their Hubs.
Before I forget to tell you .... I'm way lovin' the new profile pic.
You are stunning, as always!
femme
Nellieanna, even though my past is wrought with some very terrible memories, I still often think of the good times I had with my siblings and mother. It seems it was the males in our lives that were the destroyers who attempted to take our joy entirely away, yet they were really never able to.
My dear mama God rest her soul always found a way to make us want to come back home for a visit, something about going back to where we started our journey is appealing.
As drbj noted, it's not the destination but the journey. I am still on my journey and know I will be even after my last breath is exhaled on this earth. My journey is no burden to me. I enjoy every day and do my best to move forward. I am blessed to be allowed to wake up each new day and place my two feet firmly on my bedroom floor.
What I have now in my beginning senior years are memories that paved the path of my journey. Like you my dear scribe, I to have felt the tears flow from my eyes and have left behind a family that is now unloving to me and don't care where I am or who I am. I am just simply their single biological father, yet I press towards the mark.
Nellieanna, you take a white canvas with every new hub you prepare to publish and prepare it so brightly with an artists flamboyance of rich and lively color. These beautiful pictures and video came up clearly on my laptop and I enjoyed the richness and texture behind their meanings. Thank you again for sharing YOU...hugs from me to you always.
I have sometimes visited buildings in my past..schools, homes, etc. They always have a different feel to them. The schools are tiny as I was short and small. The house I spent twenty years in is painted a different colour, has most of the trees cut down, no proper garden, a fence that hadn't been there and doesn't seem like I ever lived there. I'm sure the inside would affect me differently because of the floor plan, regardless of the furniture, being the same. But outside, it's a foreign object.
I enjoy your feelings and perspective. Your depth of life's experiences paint a 4D vibrant living fabric woven with golden threads of being aware.
I appreciate your inner beauty and your genius of both knowing and being aware - coupled with the ability to express same...
DRBJ - coming from you, those are especially gratifying words. I wholly agree that it is the journey, not the destination which counts. I remember hearing someone say that living for the destination was like trying to eat a banana just at the ends. I think it was an apt simile. Thank you, dear lady.
Nikki, do you know that is one of my most favorite poems I ever wrote! Thank you for appreciating it too! It was written at a time when that feeling of being made to feel at home where least expected was so very important to me. But it applies to many situations, doesn't it?
Ian, ahhhh. Yes, I think that's what poetry is about: speaking from heart to heart and thought to thought. I guess it is good poetry when it clicks, huh?
I am honored for you to "hijack" my comment thread, if that's what it means to relate and share the thought! It adds much refinement to my hub! And it fits so well!
The Buble makes me emotional, too. It really comes across as personally and emotionally felt by him. Maybe he's just a good actor, but if so, I don't want to know about it.
Thank you for the lovely compliments. Being Nellieanna is something I CAN do. hehe. I think of people who are so much more knowledgeable about writing - heck, about doing lots of things I dabble at. But one thing I do bring to mine is a lot of me! it's mostly all I really know.
hehe - femme - that's such a cute compliment! Decorating is something I can't keep from doing. I still smile remembering when someone visited one of my first poetry hubs and was a little upset with the degree of decorating in it. Almost accusatively, the person demanded to know if I thought I could keep it up! I really hadn't considered that one way or the other. I just do/did it as it is in progress and unfolds. But it seems that I almost always do it - just because. . . it satisfies my soul somehow.
I, too, don't linger on returnings long. There are always new adventures in iiving beckoning, though mine are often less active than yours are - but not always. Aren't we both Aquarians? We just can't stay put - at least not once we overcome our inertia, which is occasionally among our states of being. But it is minor. hehe
Thank you for that lovely compliment about my pic. Ever so often I snap a pic with my webcam. That was one of those.
Ken, ah, yes. We sometimes feel impelled to review and return to our less pleasant 'places'. But as we mature, we learn to sift out the painful memories and take more notice of the distillate of gleaming pleasures. One's own personal experiences are seldom exactly comparable with others' but we sometimes can empathize and help each other look up and out of the pits, if we've slipped into them.
Yes, I feel a lot of affection for your dear mama! She was surely a precious lady.
Yes, of course, one's journey of life continues throughout ones' life - if one is fortunate. Giving up the journey or being prevented by circumstances from continuing is tragic. It's clear that you enjoy yours, which is not only a journey but a quest, perhaps. I always feel so happy to be able to get up and get going each day, too. Remind myself to stand up straight and raise myself up with vigor & the proper muscles. I figure that becoming all bent over and unable to move doesn't happen overnight, but is a gradual process which becomes more and more inescapable over time. So I remind myself to check those processes "at the pass". haha. Fix what's possible & accept the unfixable (like some family member's rejection.) That opens up opportunities rather than becoming stuck in ruts. I'm becoming very close to George's younger son, who was estranged from his family for many years. So - there you go! That is the meaning of my poem about "Home is where the heart finds comfort. . ."
How good that the pictures and video showed up well on your computer. One never knows how others' reception will be as one creates imagery online. I can remember finding out that others' bandwidth just wouldn't handle some of my webpage presentations. It was disappointing to find that was so. Most computers seem to handle it better these days, thank goodness.
Thank you - your words are always so empowering!
Flora - You are such a dear. I just had to go re-read your profile after I read your comment. Goodness. I was 44 when you were born! And my mother would have been 84 that year. You've accomplished a lot in your young life! I' m awed by your background and expertise. I look forward to reading more of your hubs. I confess I thought I detected a kind of wistfulness in your comment here, which prompted me to read your profile again. I was reassured. I checked your lovely mother's site, too. So talented and in so many areas, as I suspect you are, as well. My mother was an artist, as well, with many talents and interests, and she never lost her enthusiasm for life.
I really appreciate your coming to my site and for sharing your thoughts.
Dallas -- so good to see you here, my friend! I'm honored. You must be "busy as a cranberry merchant in December", as my mother would say, with all you have going on in your life! Thank you for those lovely compliments and for appreciating what I try to communicate. Hugs.
Nellieanna,
I'm not an Aquarian, but when you said you were, my mind went, "Ahhh, that explains some things. :)"
I'm a Gemini, but many of my closest friends and family are Aquarians, and I have an affinity for them. Aquarians "get" me easily, lol.
My sister is an Aquarian, and though she's usually nearly 1000 miles away, it still feels like she's often standing right next to me.
I have a close friend and colleage here in Texas, whom I hit it off with immediately when we first met. She constantly seemed familiar, although we'd not known each other long. One day I told her I'd figured out who she reminded me of. It was my sister. Turned out that their birthdays are a day apart, and there alike in many ways.
The thing I love about Aquarians, is they have a knack for helping my spirit to settle down and catch it's breath (if that makes sense), as well as helping keep things in perspective, but, they're also nearly always ready to take off on an adventure, with little warning, even if it's only philosophically.
This comes across as if I put great stock in astrology, however, my simple surmising is that God is an impressive artist, and everything He made fits together spectacularly, with each bit of creation touching and having an effect on the other.
After 20 years in medicine and mortuary fields, I believe it moreso now than I did when I was younger.
As for someone giving you grief about your deco skills to accent your poetry, my thinking is they had to be jealous, because your efforts always come out beautifully.
It's just tough being a celebrity girlfriend. Thankfully, you handle it with elegance, lol.
femme
Femme - Great comment. Thank you! Hugs.
That's interesting. My ascending sign is Gemini! A Gemini trait is being good at communication skills - writing especially!
I get along famously with The Twins! :-) Both Aquarius and Gemini are Air Signs, along with Libra, and the three signs have many things in common. Each of the elements (Fire, Air, Earth and Water) is assigned to 3 of the Sun Signs and then, they share some traits and among each of those elements, there are specific modes, Cardinal, Fixed, and Mutable. Aquarius is the "Fixed" sign among the Air Signs, meaning - er - uh - stubborn. hehe. Gemini is the Mutable one. These modes must coordinate with the other traits of a sign, of course, and also whether it's the person's Sun, Moon, Ascendant or any of the other 'planets' being represented and having an effect on how it relates to the overall personality. My moon is Sagittarius, a Fire Sign, which is a Mutable sign. The Aquarian Sun sign rules over all other aspects, of course. The Moon affects one's emotional nature. I have several planets in Capricorn, so there's another influence, - in areas in which its influence is beneficial. But I feel mostly Aquarius, which is natural.
Cardinal signs (Aries, Cancer, Libra, Capricorn) are:
-Strong-willed
-Natural leaders
-Dynamic
-Initiators
-Motivated
-Enterprising
Fixed signs (Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius) are:
-Determined
-Thorough
-Persistent
-Consistent
-Intense
-Loyal
Mutable signs (Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, Pisces) are:
-Changeable
-Adaptable
-Restless
-Flexible
-Versatile
-Amenable
My interest in Astrology blossomed during a time when I was alone a lot and read voraciously; - no fiction, but everything I could lay hands on in science, history, philosophy, religion, psychology, even economics. But I'm not a "believer" in astrology, per se. It is fascinating that the personality traits do seem to hit home so frequently! And it's fun to see that one's impression of someone fits the sign, as you described! It is, as you say, possibly among the many facets of the creation which contribute to the many parts of the big picture or puzzle, which I admit is far beyond my comprehension.
By explanation, my faith in God is so simple but has no limits. I can't and don't try to define such a power or as that or to assign it motives, nor to neatly put it in a box, tied up with a tag. To define is to limit and obviously, to me, that is absurd, but it's often how the little we know (all subjectively) about 'THE ALL" is explained, often adamantly. But just to realize that 'IT" really "IS" is probably the ultimate reach about it of which a creature can honestly conceive.
So the faith I feel is that "there is no problem" - of course not! Not if God IS! What I can know is that I have actual conscious choices to live up to the miracle of life and light here provided me (or I can fail to do so), and that is what I can honestly try to address and where I can truly apply myself & my abilities. That's a fulltime job, so no mileage in trying to "fix" anyone else or tell them how to think or be.
Guidelines help, but it's a little like losing weight - the plan has to be worked by the person in the moments of life, if it is to be effective.
Anyway. . . I've no quarrel with others' views. It's not as though any of us KNOW or can change what IS at that level.
Nellieanna, true to your comments about my being busy... I did show my wife some of your beautiful and outstanding web pages. You have created a genre of total integration of multimedia facets that reflect your brilliance.
I admire your tenacity and desire to learn your craft. You have accomplished what many aspire to do, yet few achieve.
Here is to a yet better year whereby your brilliance will both "warm" and enlighten us!
You are truly aware and alert!
Hugs to ya!
Dallas, and I say Yes to that, and Yes again.
Nellieanna is an inspiration to us all. She is unique and also, I am proud to say, a treasured friend.
Nellieanna,
That was an awesome comment, in answer to mine, lol. You've gained far more knowledge on the subject than I have, and now I'm curious to learn more.
My curiosity doesn't extend to searching for clues and hints about my future, but, in the overall makeup of one's personality traits, it is intriguing how often this shows up, loud and clear, even when meeting someone new.
I'm so impressed that you've studied it as far as you have, and have an understanding on it enough to educate about it.
A few years ago, I met a friend, for the first time. He was on a first date with a new girlfriend, and I was on a date with a friend of his. We liked each other immediately, and talked as if we'd known each other for years.
He asked the question first, "By the way, when is your birthday?"
Our birthdays are only a couple of days apart. We're both Geminis. We're still friends today, even though neither of us are dating the folks we were with the night we met, lol.
Discovering someone, or something new, is always a thrill, but I'm always most appreciative of the familiar, in both places and people.
femme
Great poems Nellieanna, and simply lovely pictures. Thankyou.
Oh, this is too beautiful. Like all your work, Nellieanna, it delights the senses, the mind, the intellect, the soul... Every word - I can't pick one poem above the other, they are all superb, though this one made a special impact on my current state of mind -
How painful,
Yet pleasant
To outgrow each step
One finds to take.
Beautiful growth
Radially;
And inwardly
Grows free.
:)))Nellieanna, I wish you a wonderful, peaceful and joyful day.
Dallas,what an honor! I'm flattered that you showed your wife some of my work! I guess it is a unique genre. Thank you! I do look forward eagerly to a good 2012. Seem so "futuristic". hehe. I'm pleased to see your affinity with my favorite operative words - aware and alert. They say a lot!
Ian, your stamp of approval means much to me and I am proud and gratified to call you a treasured friend in the truest sense of the word. It's nice to see you here and having a break in plans. I'm making one of my "Nellieanna hot-salad" soups and my fingers smell deliciously of turmeric and curry. mum. Think I'll have some! Oink.
Femme - it was an intense study at the time and has been a keen interest ever since. My mother loved seeing astrological connections, too.
Like you, it's the personality clues which are of interest to me. I'm not into the future predictions, though at one time, just for the heck of it, I plotted mine in an amateurish fashion. What most impressed me was the cyclic mathematical feature of it. Well, after all, it is based on movements of the planets and constellations (as related to Earth) so it's not surprising that it is cyclic. (And so - boring! haha) It's been suggested that astrology was a primitive kind of psychology. Guess either are guesses. Yes, it seems that we are drawn to the familiar. Perhaps it's why we seek the new, so that we can return to the familiar as needed to rest from the new stuff! - ' home is where the heart finds comfort. . ." We need some of that at times! :-)
Christopher! So nice to see you here, my friend. It thrills me that you like my stuff! Thank YOU!
Yes, my dear Martie. That thought in that poem is meaningful and applicable. I find myself at times in "fertile flux", needing to remind myself of how it all knits together and emerges better than ever.
The one 'thing' we must tend to is ourself, making sure we are growing and unfettered by too many superficial concerns. Somehow, realizing that, they become more manageable.
I wish you the same, my dear - joyous days. I keep thinking of your lovely 51 days of bliss with your 'angel' friend. I am both joyous for you and aware of the ambivalence of it, that it can't be forever, it seems. But to know you are loved and desirable, though - is such a joy. And I know you are. Thanks for the visit and kind, warm, loving comments. It fills my heart.
I love the photos and the art work. I envy poets like yourself who can write so beautifully. I enjoyed this so much.
Thank you, Mary - I'm so pleased that you enjoyed it. But no need to envy - you write beautifully yourself!
Nellie that's so beautiful, my heart aches for so many out there that arn't able to go home. I love Michael Buble, he sings Home so well. and you write so good. Vote up
Kay
Oh, Kay - thank you, dear friend. Well - some of us don't - or else we ARE 'home' for others. But there are many kinds of home places. I think Michael Buble's "Home" is just lovely - he does it with so much feeling. I appreciate your sweet comment so much.
It's already been said but your words and the way to present them are just magnificent! I hope to be able to write half as well as you some day, much love from across the pond! LF x
You sprinkle words around like gold dust.
Literature Fairy - I thought I'd posted this reply to your comment, but I don't see it here on the comments thread. If I'm redundant, I apologize and if not, I apologize for not posting it when I wrote it. I found a copy - and here it is:)
Literature Fairy - Thank you for the visit and the great comment. Your own writing and style are all you need to focus upon. And I appreciate your following me! Hugs!
Mike, my dear sweet friend - thank you. Just call me a smiling Tinker Bell! hehe. It's always fun to do a bit of magic. Let's just hope no base elements get mixed into the sprinkles- at least not too frequently!
A great hub Nellieanna ma'm- In every sense, especially when I read the journey part of it.
When you get where you're going
You'll be where you started. Yes yesterday was yesterday, that's gone, tomorrow is not yet here. No one knows about it but this is NOW that matters. Thanks for so beautiful feelings. My best regards.
.
Suni - Again, you give me perceptive praise! Thank you.
Certainly we see eye-to-eye in valuing the NOW and understanding that the past and future exist only as memories which we can merely recall or anticipate as such during our living, present NOWs.
Their remembrance has value, so long as they don't overshadow and absorb our NOWs disproportionately, which often seems to occur if their true nature gets blurred in people's minds. We caution to 'let go' of the past and prepare for the future, but in truth those are the only real choices. We can neither go backwards nor forwards from where we actually ARE.
Hugs.
tammyswallow Level 7 Commenter 2 weeks ago
Just beautiful! I was intriqued with the title and the photo. Beautifully done and inspiring.