Thimbles, Rhythm & Natures of Things - Part 4
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I was once asked what instrument would I most want to play if I could have and know how to play one single instrument well? Without hesitation came my answer: a fine grand piano!
piano dreams
As a child, I dreamt I could fly, to escape kidnappers.
My repetitive dream as an adult is set atop a hill in a shady green grove surrounding an amazing almost temple-like house with walls of glass around one large, airy, visible room occupied solely by a magnificent grand piano on a sleek parquet hardwood floor! I am inexplicably drawn to it and feel authorized to enter.
All other rooms in this structure are underground, pleasantly commonplace compared to the magnificent ground floor, set upon its slightly raised platform with deep, low steps leading to any of several sliding glass doors into this chamber all around its perimeter. There's no hardware on the doors, which simply respond to one's approach.
No one else is involved. I'm unaware of observing myself as in some dreams. I simply feel myself stepping lightly up the stairs, entering and approaching the piano. But each time I've dreamt it, I'm drawn away from the piano without playing it. I'm called upon to look into the rooms below and wander through a maze of lovely stairwells and hallways which open into many comfortable, attractive, independent living nacelles consisting of nicely decorated sleeping, bathing, cooking and eating quarters. Each nacelle is independently clustered separately from the others. I try to choose one for my own living space. So far, I've never decided on one, though I notice their features and accouterments but continue to move along, investigating the next one. All the while, my real interest remains up-top with the piano. But this lower area seems a foundation for that experience in every way.
in real time ~ always kinship with the piano ~
Perspectives in the previous parts of this series led to this one:
- ~ An off-beat relationship with thimbles,
- ~ An off-beat relationship with rhythm,
- ~ Discovering a sense of the natures of things, inside like buried treasure,
- ~ All elements of my relationship with pianos I have known and loved.
but ~ who was I? ~ I wondered
Enrolled in first grade two years earlier but emotionally less ready than my peers, being much younger than my siblings, with older parents than my peers, plus being half-blind and fragile-boned, - all contributed to a somewhat wispy self-image.
I was a happy, but sensitive child, made stronger by constantly needing to compensate for lack of depth perception and sundry other challenges connected with that malady. Frequent skinned shins and broken bones were my trainers, but learning keen awareness of my surroundings provided no sense of accomplishment, any more than knowing to breathe or sleep. There were challenges with consequences, lacking names or identity and raising no red flags to alert others; - except, of course, my eye doctor, setting and splinting bones. Damage control for vague invisible feelings: none. Mother didn't think kids had "nerves", her term for sensitivities and anxieties.
For all I knew, it was all standard human procedure for everyone, including giants surrounding me, who did nothing to mitigate my impressions or fears. They were as unaware of my unnamed bugaboos and predicaments as I, the little baby sister.
My odyssey with pianos and music started young, along with my quest for self-identity.
timing and self-confidence
For me, progressing amongst sketchy lessons, music played a significant role though maps of Its progress include circuitous paths and detours, but always present.
Along with progress was a resistance to learning mechanical counting and timing of a piece, but mistrust of relying on my own strong sense of rhythm and tone which were in my very bones. It all cast a vague sense of uneasiness over the process which I couldn't sort out or verbalize. Otherwise, it might have allowed my teacher to address my quandary and help me wade through it so that confidence in my timing didn't flounder. But flounder, it did!
Of course it's a teacher's job to teach established methods and procedure rather than to encourage individual innovation before a student has mastered the basics! To me, though, in my murky place, it was an unnerving dilemma. This doesn't justify it, but reports how it was for me so that it impacted my unsteady musical journey!
~ duh ~
I didn't analyze or fully realize the basic "what or why" of my resistance to playing to the beat of a metronome or to performing for an audience, though I recall early feelings of mounting dread and revulsion whenever Mother had me recite my favorite poems "by heart" for her ladies' gatherings, from about age four.
Still, I always came through for those poetry recitations. My memory was reliable; it was performing skills at risk and diminishing gradually. As fearless as I was doing things when alone, I was that much more undone in front of an audience watching me doing even bits of them with their full at-attention view. It was rich ground for growing stage fright and dimming self-confidence!
stage fright
So another obstacle looming on the horizon was the discovery that, once a musical level of proficiency is reached, one is expected to demonstrate it by playing for a live audience, while actually DOING it!
By contrast, with sewing, all 'doing' happens in private, culminating in a tangible result as its own evidence of achievement behind the scenes. This other discovery about live performance to prove proficiency was a rude awakening of that old dread/revulsion of less consequential performing.
So, fast forward to age twelve, when the conditions for performing my first recital which were brewing, unfolded so that my mind emptied and fingers turned to gelatin, dangling like lifeless things dangling over silent keys.
When I sat down at that stage piano for that fateful recital for which I'd learned the Adagio movement of "Moonlight Sonata" like I knew my own name, - - simply nothing musical happened, unless the racing and sinking of my heart was audible as cacophony to my rapt audience!
It progressed into deep reddening of my face and climaxed with my shamed retreat off the stage. The shame didn't subside soon, and when it did, left its calling card.
Thereafter, both that piece and every song I'd known "by heart" vanished from my musical memory cache; no other has refilled it since. I play strictly by reading the notes, including "Moonlight Sonata", while, mostly, my timing is almost totally "by ear" and by feeling it.
Not surprisingly, probably, is that I really don't "see" the notes. But if I happen to become aware that I'm not actually reading them, I have to scramble to 'find my place' so that I can resume consciously reading the notes!
Luckily my over-all memory capability was unaffected in any other, non-musical, area. In fact, it's a very keen memory-ability, as it once had been for music. It wouldn't be surprising if my music memory-abiity simply quietly returned.
always there ~ the MUSE-ic!
Growing up in my family, there was always music and access to a piano. When a kid, an old-fashioned heavy oak upright I loved to play, - or trying to, with Mother's help!
However, there was no piano at the ranch. The only music was from the wind-up Victrola. And the only piano was my toy grand piano with its few kid-sized keys, horrid tinny tone, and sublime artistic frustration in every key-tap. For three months every summer, every year, that was it.
So I used the toy to practice fingering and pick out simple melodies. Truthfully, what choice had I?
Mother was an avid antique collector and over time, acquired several fine vintage pianos, such as this chunky square one. They hardly fit into our house, so they were like tentative visitors coming and going, except for one, my pride and joy. It's the spinet grand now here in my den, which I was given when I graduated, though I wasn’t allowed to take it away to my own home.
the piano ~ eventually mine
So it was that I acquired my spinet grand piano eventually. It's moved with me several times since and suffered being dropped and injured during one of those times, as they feared might happen. Several of the ivories required replacements.
Meanwhile for the many years before getting it, I had access to and use of another upright during my dismal marriage.
When it ended, I managed to persuade a Louisville music store to sell me the little spinet upright pictured below 'on time' @ $16 per month till paid off. I had little cash and NO established credit record or rating! I was still paying those payments after the year when I moved back home to Texas! The trusting store folks got every penny and it was worth every penny to me!
I NEEDED a piano so desperately that my honest, pleading face and body language must have been convincing to folks who understood the obsessive need for music!
my little spinet
Yes, at that time in my life, along with having various innate creative ways to enjoy and express myself, especially outpourings of poetry, that little spinet was a crucial part of restoring my equilibrium.
When I wasn't at my work, writing or sleeping, I was playing it.
sensing the rhythms
As mentioned, I'd failed to fully master counting time, though I do so in a primary manner. Mostly I sense rhythms rather than systematically "counting" timing as prescribed. It’s meant needing to meld with the music and with that restriction, a need to expand feeling rhythms and sensing the nature of the music, along with needing more confidence to trust it, if it was to become applicable as music rhythms themselves rather dramatically evolve over the many decades since I first began to play. The self-imposed handicap of not learning to count properly, required having to work around it ever since then. I'm glad my teachers kept trying to pound it in as much as they did! And glad I did have some sense of rhythm.
About the time I acquired the little spinet, I was eager to play Burt Bacharach songs as he did. I love his sophisticated, but visceral and upbeat rhythms. I'd learned "Wives and Lovers" on that previous upright, but struggled to capture others, many I liked much better. But I hadn't yet fully sensed his rhythm reliably.
(other Bacharach options at end of u-tube)
getting it!
Then one magical day, when playing the piano I'd persuaded that music store to sell me, - suddenly, - almost out of the blue, - sense of his rhythm came to me in a flash!
That rhythm! ~That beat! ~ I felt it! ~ I found it!
I "GOT IT"!
I COULD play Burt's rhythms in all his songs I liked better than "Wives and Lovers". I could even play those from other contemporaries with their newer rhythmic styles which had eluded me!
What a revelation!
Though I still needed to read the notes, my innate rhythm had caught up with my agile mind and fingers! Whoopee! Thanks, Mother. You got me off to a good start with your help at home and then arranging for my lessons next to Piggly-Wiggly! Thanks, music teachers for insisting I try to use the metronome! Thanks to ME for determination to apply an innate sense of rhythm!
So in my house now, there are various instruments: George's electronic organ, my two pianos and wonderful Yamaha Grand Piano keyboard. I relish them and recall with pleasure the many others I have known and loved!
compensating
Given limited talent and erratic training, I compensate with passion for piano and for music. It provides deep satisfaction, my own "magic carpet" ride into its realm. One needn't be master of all its many facets and levels in order to fall under its spell.
I fell and it feels natural and vital. I won't be an expert pianist, but playing fills my soul, even reading every note and playing rhythms with my hybrid combination of reading a bit and by ear as felt. Even the stage fright if I'm watched when playing is part of its nature! I've no quarrel with it.
No regrets.
secret ~ the nature of a piano
Oh! Needing not
To plunder my piano,
Nor rape, nor ravish
Any thing, -
I caress the keys
And their music
Comes forth
Which I create not,
But merely share
What’s already
There.
______© Nellieanna H. Hay
My John Thompson Piano Book 3
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- Thimbles, Rhythms & Natures of Things - Part 3
THE NATURES OF THINGS
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This is fantastic, My grand daughter and I are learning Piano self taught. It is slow, but we are manageing. I love the piano. Great hub!
The beautiful baby that grew up into a beautiful woman!
I love piano music. It's the only instument that seems to soothe my soul. I would have loved to learn, but never had access to one. Maybe once day.
You could play the Adagio movement of "Moonlight Sonata" at the age of 12? Wow! Amazing! Take a bow, my genius mamma!
I love that little spinet grand of yours... wish I could play on it.
Nellieanna, I identify completely with you. I will die without a music instrument in my house. Since I was a little girl I had an obsessive need to make music. Can write a hub about this!
Ten years ago my Yamaha keyboard was amongst other precious belongings stolen and that on a Christmas Eve. I take great comfort in the knowledge that the earth-scoundrel was eventually caught and jailed. (He happened to be a professional criminal.) I’ve decided not to replace the keyboard, but to rather focus on my piano and take up the German Flute.
Now I’ve got to get myself on standard again, for my granddaughter started with violin lessons and I want to be her piano accompanist at least until she plays Grade 5. She is, however, not as enthusiastic about music as I – her little sister is – but I don’t expect them to be like me. I’m just encouraging them to learn how to play at least one music instrument. Even the merest music lessons develop the brain, enhancing the balanced interaction between left and right hemispheres more effectively than any other activity.
Now I’m going to play Moonlight Sonata. Out of practice, of course. But after sight-reading once-twice, I will also play it by ear/heart. How else does one play Moonlight Sonata, I ask you?
Great hub! I enjoyed it with all my heart.
You must know, Nellieanna, that this hub was especially appealing to me. The Moonlight Sonata is one of my favorites as is that delightful song by Liza. With my eyes shut, I could swear I was listening to her mother, Judy Garland, belt that one out. Thank you for the pleasure and your fascinating reminiscence.
As with many things in my life I have a great love of music but cannot play a note, I love art yet my best and only public works were the side of a few British warships and the outside walls of our house.
I guess great artists be they musical or painters need people like me to recognise their talent and appreciate their great gifts.
You certainly have a wonderful range of talents and from your stories I know that you must have worked hard to reach the standards you have.
Having talent is one thing but perfection takes practice.
I'm so glad you are taking the time to share your talents with us as I sit here listening to Beethoven's Emperor concerto one piece I don't think I will ever tire of listening to.
How I wish I could play an instrument ....my eldest grandaughter plays a Clarinet and her sister pretends to play a violin !!Hubby can play a guitar and piano A comb and paper is all I can play !!
Nice Hub enjoyed as usual X
Hi, this was lovely, and brought back many memories, I remember going to piano lessons when I was five years old, the funny thing was the elderly lady always had cotton wool in her ears! I am not sure to this day whether it was my playing or she did it all the time! the room was very small and very dark, and back in those days she always had a ruler ready to rap my knuckles if I got the keys wrong! my mother played the piano well, and my uncle, who died in the war was I suppose these days you would call him a child prodegy, he could play violin and piano very well by the time he was five, but I could never get it, I just couldn't read the the notes very well, I think it was because I didn't like it, but funnily enough, when I was at school I was the only one who got 100 percent in music! but my interest soon wained, but my son is a different matter! he can pick up a musical instrument and after ten minutes, play anything! the piano and the guitar! so it obviously missed a generation and he got all the talent! cheers nell
WOW!It is lovely hub.Thanks for sharing.
I am sitting here with my Lap top on my lap, my Organic Java to my side so I can sip in delight as I with my ear plugs plugged in and a huge smile on my face, listen to Burt and Liza belt out their tunes. Burt on his piano and Liza LOVING her piano. Drbj is correct, not looking at the video, one would think you were listening to her mom Judy.
Burt has been an all time favorite musician of mine for years and have loved his compositions. Now getting back to you my dear friend. Again you paint a delightful picture, with actual pictures of you and your progression into the realm of the Piano and your love for it.
You took me on a heart throbbing exciting ride. OMG you were such a cutie starting at age 4 here and then sitting on stage in front of your piano with knots in your stomach and fingers all tense from being exposed to a stage. I felt your nervousness for sure.
Then on to the collection of your pianos and showing us here where you place them, along with your easel and of course your audience of closed lips, yet open ears stuffed friends. I love Bearthoven I bet he quietly stands upright when your asleep and quietly tinkles on the ivories his favorite Beararach tunes. he he he.
I love the spinet as well, however I have never played the piano, just the guitar, but equally feel the music and when I am feeling in the mood, I will hug my six string and play a few songs, mostly country.
For some reason I delight in the vision of you in your rooms playing so gayfully your favorites of Burt's and others and singing along while you are playing. Your rooms must come alive with the sound of music. Music is soothing to our souls and us poets need soothing from time to time. Mine is soothed with classical, a good glass of red wine and my keyboard on my lap.
Then I am content and my muse is happy to see me. I give him a wink and lay down the black on white, it's music to my finger tips. I loved this Hub, you opened another window for us all to peek into, my dear you are a beautiful MIND and SOUL, surely we have met in another life, if not I am certain it was meant to be now, you soothe this Saddles soul and I adore you. Hugs from me to you. Now go play me a tune on your spinet please...I love the sound of a spinet...
This is so lovely Nellie, I envy you so much for having and playing a grand piano, the picture of you playing it is beautiful. I have always wanted a grand piano myself yet well my parents do not share my passion for music, poetry, writing or well any thing else that I do.
I don't really need them to share my passion either, one day I will buy a grand piano on my own and place it in the middle of the room and play it quietly into the night where much like you no one is judging me for what I play. I will caress those keys away, each time singing a different tune and I will appreciate the music for what its worth even if it is ordinary, it will be special to me.
I too had a dream of the piano, there was a grand piano in the middle of the hall way and in the dream my beloved was playing it ever so elegantly, he invited me to play it and I walked over despite not knowing it at all yet when my fingers touched the keys, he and I, in the dream played beautiful music together.
The truth remains that maybe a part of me is afraid to have a piano; almost realising that I may not know how to play it at all and it will be reduced to being a pompous prop in my home.
I have learned Nellie that sometimes, a dream is most beautiful whilst it remains a dream, for the conversion to reality perhaps takes out the magic from the dream.
Thank you for sharing this hub with me.
Thank you Nellie, you are such an inspiration. :)
*Hugs. :)

















WillStarr Level 8 Commenter 10 months ago
My daughter plays. She struggled and then one day, something dovetailed, and the lights finally came on.
Wonderful Hub!